when I turned 32, well, let me tell you that August was the toughest month of my life. I was a very sad little peanut. and, my sister - being the kind, generous, perf human that she is - searched the webs until she found a feminist book that would lift me from the space I was in. all the way from Canada she sent me sheila heti's "how should a person be?".
and it was the first time I ever read a book slowly.
when I dig a book i'm usually hungry for every page. but this book spoke to me so deeply and so fully that it took me time to digest.
now when I got to the part where sheila talks about the puer aeternus I was floored. I cried big ugly tears, sobbing deep into my pillow, because this was me.:
"In their quest for a life without failure, suffer, or doubt, that is what [the puer] achieve: a life empty of all those things that make a human life meaningful."
in Jungian psychology, the puer aeternus represents, in its most basic form, peter pan syndrome. stay with me here; when i read sheila's description of this person that just gets by, hoping that their fantasies will one day come true, I heard/felt/knew with every fibre of my being that I wasn't really living my life. and my tears were of grief, of joy and of excitement - now I could really begin to live.
[TL;DR? I named my bloggo after the book]
xo
isn't she stunning? sheila is cute too.
sheila, you kill me every time.
So, I'm sitting in the quiet Canberra airport, smashing a strong flat white (as you do) and kicking back. Sitting here writing this post, I probably look cool, calm and collected (and pretty good too if you ask me). BUT I AM F-R-E-A-K-I-N-G O-U-T A WHOLE LOT.
You see, I am flying to Cairns for a short jaunt before we pack up our 4WDs and head out into Cape York. After a week of travel, in the most northern part of this country I will have ever seen, I will be bedding down in the Hope Vale aged care facility to start my official project work "look out, aged care residents, I can play a mean game of 500 and I'm coming for you!"
This may just be the most challenging thing I have ever signed up for, and I caught a ferry from Jordan to Egypt earlier this year, after visiting Petra (it was on my MUST-SEE list).
I have a feeling what I am about to see and do and experience may just be a whole 'nother level. And since I managed to pack for the six week trip in just one day I have a certain swagger right now that I bet gets knocked right outta me (rightly so, too). But I am just bursting to get up there, listen, listen, listen and soak it all in. I hope to get some delicious snaps along the way too so keep an eye on this bloggo - and on my insta @kiki_goes_north - to be wow'd. I've got as much bug spray and sunscreen as I can carry, so I better keep that redness off this pale freckly body.
[Are you ready for this? (I certainly hope so). If you are, there'll be plenty more on this bloggo]
xo
when you don't listen, the universe gets persistent
for almost a year now I've been a single lady (in the Beyoncé sense, of course), and something has been bugging me.
there are glimpses of it.
- in what I want and don't get (or who ;) amirite).
- in where I feel I can fly and where I feel really happy in my little - heart.
and I haven't really listened to it.
life wants a person to have a plan. and I have NEVER ascribed to any sort of plan. because i'm scared of commitment to any sort of goal, especially publicly, in case I fail or in case I change my mind. I mean, what would the neighbours think!
anyway. this might not be the final, but it's a start. i'm not afraid to say - this is what I want right now. sorry, not sorry.
